Get Yourself An Irish Priest...

If you haven't seen any episodes of the Irish comedy "Father Ted", dealing with three Catholic priests on a fictional island off the west coast of Eire, then you need to correct that by saying 50 Hail Mary's while clicking the "Buy from Amazon" button.

Some samples of Father Ted goodness (a hyphen/dash indicates a break to another quote):

Father Dougal: God, I've heard about those cults Ted. People dressing up in black and saying Our Lord's going to come back and save us all.

Father Ted: No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.

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Father Dougal: God, Ted, I've never met anyone like him anywhere. Who would he be like, Hitler or one of those mad fellas?

Father Ted: Oh, worse than Hitler! You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at three o'clock in the morning.

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Father Ted: It's just a rush. I feel fearless. Like Jeff Bridges in that movie.

Father Dougal: I didn't see that one.

Father Ted: Not many people have, Dougal. It's probably a bad reference.

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Father Ted: There he is so. Risen from the dead. Like that fella... (pause)... ET

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Father Ted: I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests...

...More drink!

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Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.

Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!

Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!

[holds up a cupcake]

Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!

Father Ted: WHAT?

Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.

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Father Ted: That's the great thing about Catholicism - it's so vague and no-one really knows what it's all about.

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[Ted answers the phone]

Bishop Brennan: Crilly, It's me.

Father Ted: Oh Feck!

Bishop Brennan: What?

Father Ted: [in French accent] Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.

[Ted hangs up]

Father Ted: God almighty! I just said "feck" to Bishop Brennan!

Father Dougal: Oho! He won't like that!

Father Ted: It might be alright though. I put on a fake accent so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.

[phone rings, Ted picks it up]

Father Ted: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there.